


Fade To Black

by brainwavesoptional



Category: Split (2016)
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Someone hug Kevin please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9633131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainwavesoptional/pseuds/brainwavesoptional
Summary: Today is September 18th, 2014. Kevin has this day memorized because this is the day his mother said she is stopping by for a visit.





	

September 18th, 2014.

Kevin can feel his leg shake as he boards the bus.

Today is September 18th, 2014.

He wants so badly to not get on. To tell her he missed the bus, or completely forgot about her coming by, and suggest rescheduling for sometime next week. Or next month. Maybe she'll become so enraged at the idea of his "foolish, forgetful behavior" she'll hang up on him and leave him be. The noise in his head is deafening since he can hear Barry, Jade, Samuel, Ian, and Hedwig all trying to talk at once.

Even among all of this, he knows what today is because his mother called him yesterday to say she will be stopping by. No mention of why. No 'How are you?' ("Not that she's _ever_ cared," Jade had commented, an edge of anger in her tone, which is a very abnormal occurrence). So the uncertainty of why she's coming leaves everyone with anxiety and on guard. They would have scheduled an extra appointment with Dr. Fletcher but she's out of town for the week.

His hands feel raw from all of the obsessive cleaning Dennis has been doing. He's so on edge Kevin's jaw aches from him grinding the teeth when fronting. Kevin can't recall how many showers they've taken in the last 24 hours.

This entire time has been a huge blur between switching and trying to remain calm.

_We should have rejected her_ , Orwell keeps repeating. _She is not some famed queen we must obey. Not any longer._

Kevin wishes he had let Barry or Jade talk to her. He regrets it immensely. But he still, somehow, even after everything, he feels an obligation as a son to not turn her away. He and Dr. Fletcher have had plenty of conversations about this but he almost feels programmed to let her have her way.

Now his hands are also starting to shake. He holds his head in his hands, arms propped up on his knees. He doesn't want her to have her way. He wants his mother to be dead in a ditch--

_No, no, no. Those are not my thoughts. Stop it, **stop it**_ , Kevin demands internally. He knows his feelings are starting to blend with someone else's when thoughts of taking joy in the death of his mother come up.

_You know she deserves it you fucking pussy_ , B.T. spits back at him.

_That is_ not _productive_ , Barry scolds B.T. _Everyone needs to quiet down and let me handle this. We'll make it work. Everything is going to be fine, okay?_

Kevin thinks he can hear a woman ask if he's okay but he can feel a panic attack coming on. His heart is racing and he feels as though he's shrinking back into a young, frightened boy who has no power and no way out.

I can't do this.

He doesn't know if he's said this aloud or internally. And honestly, at this point, Kevin is beyond caring. He can feel himself slipping further and further away. The last thing Kevin hears is a fight for control, something he never wants to be apart of. He has no fight left in him. He's never had much in him in the first place if he's honest with himself, something Dennis makes sure to point out at every turn. Everything then goes black.

//

The next time he's aware, the first thing he looks at are his hands. They're not rubbed raw or red but they do look bruised and mangled like he's been doing heavy labor. Everything inside of his head is like static - he doesn't know what anyone is saying, he doesn't know why he's shirtless. All he knows is he's cold and he feels as though he's run a marathon without stopping.

He shakily grabs a towel off of the counter and wraps it around his shoulders. He's unsteady on his feet. No one is directly answering him when he asks what day it is. Where his mother is. He heard his entire name being called but she's nowhere in sight. If she's using Kevin's whole name she's furious and isn't about to leave them be.

Kevin is torn out of his own head when he hears a soft sobbing. An external soft sobbing.

He stumbles his way into the dining room from where the noise comes from and his heart drops at the sight of a teenage girl. Shaking. Afraid.

_Oh god. What have we done?_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Delaying the Inevitable](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9907481) by [darkling2222](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkling2222/pseuds/darkling2222)




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